The Rest Is Noise

Sara Selva Ortiz Medrano

[FX – home]

Michael McCabe was in his thirties when he decided to come out to his parents. 

EM_6

Michael: 00:15:20] I told my mother first, you know, morning, I had breakfast. And I told my mother and her first words were before anything else were, don’t tell your father. 

It was the late 70s. Thanksgiving. 

Michael: And you know, I told her, well, that’s it’s too late. I’m already going to meet him for lunch to tell him. //I told my father and my father. When I said to him, I said, I just want to tell you that I’m gay. And my father first said: What do you mean… And he didn’t understand at first what that meant. And I said, I’m a homosexual, I like other guys. And he said, oh, okay, okay. So… And the first words out of his mouth were, “I only want you to be happy.” [00:16:30][70.4]

EM_6 

Michael: [00:16:29] And I feel the same way right now repeating that, that I did then, that it was… that was all I wanted to hear.

Michael decided to tell them then… Because he was in love. He had just moved in with his boyfriend, Eric Sherman. They met in New York City. 

EM_5

Eric: [00:06:02] and I must say, I was… Love struck on sight. 

That’s Eric. They’re still together. 46 years later. 

You know, it was like love at first sight for me. He was clearly very intelligent, thoughtful, and had a sense of humor.

Back then, in the 70s, Eric met Michael’s parents. 

EM_6

Eric and I went down to visit my parents, at some point shortly after that. My mother was a horrible housekeeper, and their house was always a mess. My father had cleaned up the house. He had prepared a room with a double bed for me and Eric, and he took us around the area, which is a beautiful area for the seashores and things, because he loved that area. He wanted to show us… // And he was just very good to Eric. [00:17:34][15.6]  And, was, considerate and, you know, to both of us. And just so warm. And he was that way the rest of his life.  

His father was religious. Catholic. Michael wasn’t, he wasn’t practicing… But looking at his dad he connected the dots. He thought that was what Catholicism was all about. Respect. Love. Goodness. That’s what his father showed him. And so, years later, when his father died… 

EM_7

Michael: [00:17:38] I thought, what can I do to be close to him? And I thought, I’m going to go to mass every Sunday just for him to be near him, to be close to him.  [00:18:08][29.7]

[MUSIC]

And he did it. He has gone to mass every Sunday since then. Almost without exceptions. 

For some people, being gay and being Catholic might sound like a contradiction. 

One could ask… Why would someone from the LGTBQ community want to be part of an institution that says they are sinners…

[archive – News Clip 4 – Writing: “God does not and cannot bless sin”]

That they are sick…  

[archive – News Clip 5 – The decree says that same-sex unions are quote “not ordered to the creators plan”]

One might think that there must be either conflict… or some kind of reconciliation. A process.

But for Michael… None of those things apply. For him… it’s just simpler. It’s personal. 

When his father died, he chose a church in Lower Manhattan. It’s called St Francis Xavier. 

[ambi church… The church was built in 1882]

Today at the entrance… There is a large poster announcing events and groups. Catholic Lesbians… Gay Catholics… Yoga…

K_1

Kenneth: [00:11:21] Every parish needs to respond to the people of God in the parish.  [00:11:28][7.3]

Kenneth Boller has been the pastor of the church since 2019. 

K_2

Kenneth: [00:11:28] So we are located on the edge of Greenwich Village, which, you know, Christopher Street is famously the center of gay life, was the center of gay life 50 years ago. // Kenneth: [00:21:07] All of the folks in our community, whether they are straight or gay or whatever, are trying to find their way to God. And we just welcome them [00:21:19][11.7]

K_3

Kenneth: [00:46:55] The Bible is sacred scripture, but everything was written at a certain time in place. // We can’t be frozen in that time and place. We have to take the best out of it. // And apply it. 

Boller says that everyone who comes to this church has a journey, a reason to be part of this community. Some come with anger, with rage. Others arrive after being rejected by their family. By their church. Someone has told them that St Francis Xavier was a safe place. That they could pray here without feeling judged. 

Michael arrived looking to feel closer to his father. That was what mattered.

EM_11

Michael: [00:19:28] I knew what my father felt. I don’t even understand Jesus. // But I know that what my father did is the closest thing to what Jesus… The way Jesus lived his life // I could touch that feeling through my father. // But I don’t listen to // what do they call gay people, in the catechism? Disordered. Disordered. It’s like. It’s like that’s… these people don’t know. These people don’t know what they’re talking about. Because this is not my life and my life with him. [00:20:53][30.3]

Michael: [00:20:53] The other biggest thing in my life is Eric, who is also one of the most wonderful people you could ever meet.  [00:21:02][9.1]

Michael: [00:21:15] And, and and when you have that, the everything else is noise. It’s noise. And you can shut the window and the noise stays outside. [00:21:26][11.2]

[MUSIC ENDS]

In their 46 years together, Michael and Eric have witnessed the progression of the LGTBQ rights. They registered as a domestic couple in the 90s, when New York City recognized it. Then, they got married in Connecticut in 2010. And just when they thought that was it… Another announcement came. This one was especially important to Michael. It was Eric the one that read the news.  

EM_1

There was a breaking news announcement…

[MUSIC]

[archive – News clip 1 – Breaking News from the Vatican. Pope Francis has approved a landmark ruling that will allow Catholic priests to administer blessings. News clip 2 – The Vatican today included this in a new document…]

EM_1b

Eric: that Pope Francis had just authorized the blessing of same sex relationships. 

[archive – News Clip 3 – There could be a major shift of policy at the Vatican]

EM_1c

Eric: And I ran into…

Michael:  [00:26:31] The kitchen.  [00:26:31]

Eric: [00:26:32] Of the kitchen where Michael was.  [00:26:33]

Michael: [00:26:34] I was still finishing breakfast.  [00:26:35]

Eric: [00:26:35] And I said… Michael, look at this, look at this. Is this what I think it is? And Michael looks at it and said, oh my God…

Eric: Yes, I think that’s what it says.  [00:26:50]

Michael feels it as a personal gift. 

I feel like the pope has done this for me directly. // It reminded me of what my father would do. [00:18:36][3.8]

And so, that same morning, just an hour after the news, he reaches out to Keneth Boller.

K_4

Kenneth: [00:39:48] He sent me an email, saying, okay, you know, when can we do it? And he was like… As soon as it was happening

EM_12c

Eric: [00:27:13] And he said, you know, this is brand new. We have to think about it.  [00:27:23][10.4]

K_4c

Kenneth: I said, okay, give me a cup, give me a little time. I wanted to talk to the larger community and just…

EM_12d

Eric: [00:27:26] It was before Christmas, right? So he was saying, I’m busy with Christmas, right? We have to do this. But, I’ll get back to you…  [00:27:33][6.6]

K_4d

Kenneth: I said, we’ll do it. And then he came to me after mass one day, said, what’s up? I said, we’re doing it. Feel free to talk to anyone of us, and we look for a time and place.

The blessing will be in early April. In their living room. Michael will say a few words. Eric too. And they will celebrate. Like they did in the 90s, and in 2010. And a few years later, when the Supreme Court declared same-sex marriage legal across the country. 

EM_14

Michael: And now we are celebrating this… It just keeps going. 

For them, this is what it is all about. Celebrating their love… in any way they can.

EM_15

Michael: [00:24:00] I know what love is through Eric. I know what love has meant to me through my father. That’s what I know. That gives me life. The Vatican, you know, they’ll struggle along. But we have to live our lives today and now. [00:24:22][22.5]

And the rest is noise. 

[MUSIC ENDS]